I'm so happy this nightmare is over! I only trudged through to the end because it's a classic (although why it's canonized is beyond me).
Look at me, yes me, I'm Robinson Crusoe and I'm stuck here on this Island and I'm going to tell you all about it, down to the minutest detail... oh and I'm going to do this more than once and... if that's not good enough, I'm going to tell you how I found Providence - that's right - because there is a reason I survived the sunk ship, so I'm going to thank Providence over and over and over and, just when you thought I was humble enough, I'm going to show you how human I am and how things go wrong when I forget to thank Providence, so I'll do it all over again and again and again. Since I'm on this Island all by myself for 200 pages long, you'll have to put up with every wisp of internal monolog too, that's right. And I'm going to be scared and worried until I figure out each obstacle - even though you'll hope for tension and excitement about the state of my imagined dangers, there's really nothing to worry about. I'm a genius, yes, because even though I was stuck here at a young age all by myself, and even though I hardly knew a thing about the world beforehand, I'm going to figure out farming, goat herding, carpentry, sewing, weaponry, tool making, boat building and so many other skills, and I'm going to be an expert in each one of them. Ok ok, you've put up with all of this right? Now I'm going to reward you with a bit of action here and there for the last 100 pages, but mind you, I'm never in real danger and I'll always be the victor and supreme ruler of my Island, AND I'll thank Providence after each victory. Basically, I'm blessed and everyone I'm in touch with will have good fortune and will give me in return nothing but good fortune, no one will ever cheat me, lie to me, betray me, hurt me or do any evil unto me. There you are, everything works out, smooth sailing all the way, the end.